Bradley Vs. Ryan And The Winner is…. Fat Vince Vaughn

According to People Magazine, the world’s sexiest man in 2011 is Bradley Cooper.  This has some crazy hos with their panties in a knot making a petition saying that it should be Ryan Gosling.  They have point in that it is Ryan Gosling’s year since he had a bunch of films out AND he has a rescue dog.  I have a rescue dog.  We all should have rescue dogs by the way.  Bradley Cooper, on the other hand, may or may not have a dog but he can speak French. Apparently he impressed the judges with his interview on French radio nattering away, using far too many syllables as French are wont to do, just tell the people of France to go and see his new movie.  Here it is, lock your bedroom door and set your laptop on vibrate:

And here he is without a shirt:

As my friend from Newfoundland used to say when she encountered a man she liked:  “I’d do you for a dollar!”  I’m not really sure if it meant she would give him a dollar or she would charge him a dollar?  But whichever, there’s no flies on Bradley Cooper  so I don’t really see the problem.  I would do him for a dollar any which way.  Maybe Ryan Gosling is just so hot he is going to make the Sexiest Man of the Universe.  Or maybe People magazine didn’t want to use another Canadian, wasn’t it that other Ryan with abs just recently the title holder?  Americans have slight contempt for our country because we pay high taxes for health care and it makes them crazy with jealousy and confusion.  But we send them our hunks and throw in Justin Bieber as goodwill measures and yet they still mock us with that  “Oot and Aboot” accent that nobody really has.  But for whatever reason, I say let People magazine have their sexy Bradley for 2011.

As for moi, I have a hard time getting excited over any movie star really.  I just can’t get past the idea is that what they do for a living is make-believe ridiculousness.  And they think it’s so important, like when they call what they do “work” and it’s a “craft.”  Dear George Clooney and Brad Pitt,  I tell you what work is:  getting up milking cows, and a craft is carving a pig out of a mound of butter.  Please, get a grip, even your vernacular says you “play” a role.  Plus you wear make up, that is so not hot.  Although if I did have to pick a movie star to have around my house, it would have to be Vince Vaughn.  Not the coked up Vince Vaughn from the 90s like he was in Swingers, but the fat Vince Vaughn from The Break Up.  Have you ever had a conversation with a man who has a six-pack of abs?  It’s so tedious to hear about carb and protein ratio and there is nothing so sad as someone who separates the egg whites and throws the yolk away.  You have to wonder then:  What else won’t he eat?

Vince Vaughn looks like someone who would eat my pie.  And everything else.  And look, he would it standing up, tell me this isn’t hot:

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