Tag Archives: Don Draper

It’s March 14, Don’t Blow It

 

Today is March 14, otherwise known as Steak and BJ Day. There is a Facebook page. I thought I might have dreamed this so I asked my neighbour if she had heard of it and her gag reflex came up:  “IT’S THE WORST DAY EVER!”  She is a vegetarian.

Legend has it that this day has come about to reciprocate all the men because Valentine’s Day is such a big brouhaha of diamonds and cunnilingus. As though it’s that hard to throw money at a day and perform the alphabet with your tongue.  Waaaay easier than a blow job, sir.  What a weird concept.  From a man’s perspective, I can’t help thinking that it must be one of those things that looks better than it actually is, like marzipan:  It’s icing! *takes bite* Oops, no, it’s shit.  Aren’t getting blow jobs a big lunch bag let down?  All that effort, slurping, gasping, dying, and don’t teeth get in the way?  These are not rhetorical questions, I really want to know.  Some women I know claim to be champions and yet get all tight-lipped when it comes to sharing techniques.  I guess it makes sense in this dog-eat-dog world of survival of the fittest.  If I was the Mighty Queen of Cabeza, I would probably keep it to myself and whoever holds the scepter.

As for making a special day of it, I have to say, I think it’s kind of sweet idea.  I picture all these Mad Men-type ladies planning this day down to the details, writing a shopping list in the morning and then heading out to the market where they buy canned creamed corn, string beans, and stuff to make a pineapple upside down cake.  Then off to the liquor mart for Canadian Rye (Don Draper’s drink…okay, let’s be clear, I’m having a “Me and Don Draper-specific” fantasy here), and wine for me to loosen up my super tight jaw muscles that I have gotten from grinding my teeth at night.  In real life, seriously, I grind so hard my jaw cracks when I pronounce a vowel.

Then I go to the butcher shop for the steak.  Now as you know, I like my real-life Danforth butcher shop but since I’m in fantasy mode and I’m channeling Donna Reed in a girdle and a puffy dress, I cannot be caught dead in there dressed like that, so it’s off to the Bronx I go.  The butcher is Marty, played by Ernest Borgnine.

Marty:  Why, hello, Mrs. Draper, what can I get for you this fine day?

Me: Good morning, Marty!  It is a beautiful day, isn’t it?  I’m looking for your finest cut of steak for Mr. Draper this evening.

Marty:  Oh, sure thing, Mrs. Draper.  Is there a special occasion?

Me: Of course, Marty, it’s Steak and BJ Day!  Didn’t you hear on the radio?

Marty:  Ooooh, right, I don’t pay much attention to these things, Mrs. Draper.  I’m not very popular with the ladies.

Me: Oh, that can’t be true, Marty, you’re a sweet man.  Surely any single girl would love to go out with you.

Marty:  I’ve never had a girlfriend in my entire life, Mrs. Draper, even the homely ones won’t give me the time of day.

Me: Don’t be silly, Marty, if I was a single gal, you’d be in big trouble, and call me Betty.

Marty:  Really…Betty?  Gee, that Mr. Draper sure is a lucky fella!

Betty: Well, he does work hard, Marty, and sometimes he doesn’t get home until very late at night.

Marty: You must get pretty lonely, Betty…

Betty:  Oh, Marty, I sure do!  I’m so lonely! What about you, Marty, you must be lonely too?

Marty:  I told you, Betty, the dames all look at me like I’m a big, ugly bug!

And that’s where the fantasy goes awry.  I feel sorry for Marty and I give him a mercy hummer in the back of my Cadillac, and Don calls later saying he’s staying in the city and of course I know he’s with that beatnik ho, Midge. So much for March 14.  But stay tuned for March 25 for Madmen Season 5.  THAT is something I will sink my teeth into, here are some snips.

FYI, in real life I’m having chicken tonight.

And here’s the trailer for Marty, so cute! I guess I would hit it, I do love a butcher after all:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Now Brown Drink

Whiskey Sour

I feel all displaced now that the weather has gone from sultry hot to cold and freaky and this back to school business is ridiculous.  I’d home school my kids except I’m dumber than them.  Anyway, I’m trying to roll with the times and embrace the cold and the loneliness.  I’m still wearing sandals but that England World Cup tshirt is for the gym only.  The fall wardrobe is still up in the air.  I read in the Toronto Star last week the camel coat was the autumn must-have.  I told this to someone at a wedding on Sunday and they thought I said  “camel toe”…of course they did…but camel toe is always in season.  Enough of fashion.  I do like a change of season  because you can change your eating and drinking habits.  Fruit:  be gone and take your little flies with you.  Vodka, you’re starting to bore me, there are only so many flavours of Vitamin Water to disguise you.  Bring on the gourds and the brown drinks.  Yesterday I made myself a “whiskey sour” while I hunkered down in my ashram to watch Episode 7 of Madmen.  In a flurry of inspiration, I have started another blog call “My Tv Fez” where I will invite discussion of what I watch, instead of just falling asleep afterwards, click here for the link….it’s still a baby so it’s not on google-able yet.  Anyway, Don Draper drinks a lot of Canadian Rye which I think is hot.  Bourbon is good too.  Here is the recipe:

Shot of brown drink (bourbon, rye or whiskey)

Squeeze in a half a lemon

Simple syrup…sugar dissolved in water…to taste and serve it on ice, with or without the cherry

And let the autumn come!