How I Spent Orgy Week

Her girth squeezed into a festive garland necklace, Betty lords over the couch during Orgy Week

It’s Orgy Week, that week celebrated by international bon vivants everywhere which begins on Boxing Day and ends on New Year`s Day.  Eat.  Drink.  Be Merry.  Two Four Seven.  Hedonism for that long with such intensity isn`t for everyone, dishes need to be done, laundry washed, the fat dog walked.  I do my best though.  Wednesday, being Hump Day during orgy week, I have been focusing on doing some Amish chores that I have been putting off for months, but as a twist, I have been doing them laying down.  I organized my cell phone contacts, in bed while watching The View.  Then I did some sewing (ie. inserting an elastic in a pair of sweat pants) while perusing my favourite celebrity websites.  Look up “debauchery” in the dictionary and find my picture knitting up a poncho on a couch with a fat dog on my lap. I drank some eggnog spiked with Appleton Estate Rum early in the week but it makes fuzz on the upper lip that I keep having to lick off so now I am chapped.  I am now drinking booze from a straw which makes it go down quicker and faster.  I am pretty much ready for a detox to retox, as they say at Body Blitz Spa.  Otherwise known as “the waters,” this is a women’s only spa modeled after bath houses in Europe and has a large salt water pool with waterfalls, sauna, steam, green tea bath, and an ice-cold plunge.  You can book extra body treatments like massages, scrubs, check out their website here.  You have the choice to be naked or wear a bathing suit.  I’ve done both.   Ironically I wear a bathing suit when I’m feeling all hot MILF-y but forget about it when I’m GWM (Great White Manatee), then I can’t be confined in the stretchiest fabric.  I am a proper water nymph, so European, I tell myself.  Body Blitz is the perfect place to go in the middle of Orgy Week, it takes the jangle out of your nerves and makes your skin soft and then you sleep like a baby, only not so innocent.

One thing about my Orgy Week that has remained a constant for 20 years is that I start it off by watching Whit Stillman’s “Metropolitan.”  In fact the term “Orgy Week” is defined here.  It’s from 1990 and a pretty obscure film but I have seen it more than 20 times and it`s my mission to help make it as popular a holiday movie as Ìt`s A Wonderful Life.  PBS used to play it on Boxing Day and then I had to find my own VHS copy and then more recently a DVD which has all the commentary.  It’s Jane Austen and Brian the Dog from Family Guy wrote a screenplay,  this is what you might get:

Happy Orgy Week To All!  Keep it real!

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