Tag Archives: Whit Stillman

7 Days of Orgy Week

I told you I did not make this up.  I’m not sure Whit Stlllman made it up either when making “Metropolitain” but I’m telling you, it exists:  The week between Christmas and New Year’s Day is called “Orgy Week” and it is _bar none_ the greatest week of the year.  Today is the day after Christmas, some of you are Boxing Day shopping, others are cleaning up while the rest of you are “going for a walk” just to get out of the house and sneak a cigarette.  Clearly you all need some help.

When it comes to “Orgy Week,” if you are at a loss as to what to do, just think of what it is you want to do.  Most of you are probably thinking:  WWCD? (What Would Caligula Do?)  But don’t fret, you don’t have to run to salon and get waxed, that is extreme orgy.  Personally, on Day One (Boxing Day) while some of you were trolling the aisles of the malls, all sweaty in your winter coats, carrying bags of crap, praying for a meteor to hit, I was in my pyjamas.  All day!  I shopped on-line!  I don’t care what anyone says, it’s cheaper to shop on-line because you focus on what you want, not the extra crap that catches your eye when you are at the check-out.  All the stores have on-line shopping and you don’t even have to travel to other cities to get there.  Simons, the coveted department store in Montreal, has on-line shopping and Boxing Day sales, check it out here.  I spent the morning perusing, while drinking mimomas.  And then I watched my Boxing Day traditional movie, Metropolitian, while drinking straight champagne. GIF prooof:

Then I ate a box of crackers. And a wedge of gorgonzola. And some chocolate.

Freddy, also in his pyjamas, ate two McCains Delissio Rising Crust pizzas. Caligula in training.

I couldn’t even finish writing this post yesterday, I sugar-crashed mid-afternoon.  Somewhere in the haze, I watched Jane Eyre with Evangeline which actually gave me nightmares last night.  I was Rochester’s crazy wife, locked up in a room without tv or interwebs.  And I woke up with the intense urge to go to Walmart and stock up on toilet paper and toothpaste.  It is orgy week after all, 6 more days to go!

I’m going to check in with you later this week and see how y’all are managing.  Right now I’m going to get some proper air. I will leave you with this, my favourite YouTube video of the year.  If Tim the Tambourine Man doesn’t make you happy, no one will:

 

 

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How I Spent Orgy Week

Her girth squeezed into a festive garland necklace, Betty lords over the couch during Orgy Week

It’s Orgy Week, that week celebrated by international bon vivants everywhere which begins on Boxing Day and ends on New Year`s Day.  Eat.  Drink.  Be Merry.  Two Four Seven.  Hedonism for that long with such intensity isn`t for everyone, dishes need to be done, laundry washed, the fat dog walked.  I do my best though.  Wednesday, being Hump Day during orgy week, I have been focusing on doing some Amish chores that I have been putting off for months, but as a twist, I have been doing them laying down.  I organized my cell phone contacts, in bed while watching The View.  Then I did some sewing (ie. inserting an elastic in a pair of sweat pants) while perusing my favourite celebrity websites.  Look up “debauchery” in the dictionary and find my picture knitting up a poncho on a couch with a fat dog on my lap. I drank some eggnog spiked with Appleton Estate Rum early in the week but it makes fuzz on the upper lip that I keep having to lick off so now I am chapped.  I am now drinking booze from a straw which makes it go down quicker and faster.  I am pretty much ready for a detox to retox, as they say at Body Blitz Spa.  Otherwise known as “the waters,” this is a women’s only spa modeled after bath houses in Europe and has a large salt water pool with waterfalls, sauna, steam, green tea bath, and an ice-cold plunge.  You can book extra body treatments like massages, scrubs, check out their website here.  You have the choice to be naked or wear a bathing suit.  I’ve done both.   Ironically I wear a bathing suit when I’m feeling all hot MILF-y but forget about it when I’m GWM (Great White Manatee), then I can’t be confined in the stretchiest fabric.  I am a proper water nymph, so European, I tell myself.  Body Blitz is the perfect place to go in the middle of Orgy Week, it takes the jangle out of your nerves and makes your skin soft and then you sleep like a baby, only not so innocent.

One thing about my Orgy Week that has remained a constant for 20 years is that I start it off by watching Whit Stillman’s “Metropolitan.”  In fact the term “Orgy Week” is defined here.  It’s from 1990 and a pretty obscure film but I have seen it more than 20 times and it`s my mission to help make it as popular a holiday movie as Ìt`s A Wonderful Life.  PBS used to play it on Boxing Day and then I had to find my own VHS copy and then more recently a DVD which has all the commentary.  It’s Jane Austen and Brian the Dog from Family Guy wrote a screenplay,  this is what you might get:

Happy Orgy Week To All!  Keep it real!