Tag Archives: Charlie Sheen

Sleepless in Toronto

The first rule of Insomnia Club is do not talk about Insomnia Club.  The second rule is whatever you do when you are tossing and turning in the middle of the night, DO NOT go on Facebook and check out the green dots and see who else is on-line.  But you will anyway.  Third rule, DO NOT start chatting with the green dots, they could be in a different time zone and will not understand your middle of the night psychotic ramblings.  If they are in your time zone, unless they are up waiting for the limo to take them to the airport, they are also insomniacs and you should never fraternize with someone who can’t sleep when you can’t sleep.  The conversation will be pointless and will create even more anxiety and before you know it, you will be cyber-poking each other to death.

The collective energy in the air these days is so angst-ridden, I’m surprised anyone can sleep through what’s going on.  The world has become smaller because we are constantly bombarded with world events and tied to social media like it was an umbilical cord.  Not that long ago,  we would have watched the news on tv at 6 o’clock, clucked and tsk-ed while we had our cocktails, then turned it off and had dinner with our families and chatted about what happened in our day (ok, not really that idyllic, but that’s how it should happen).  Now we are living with a tsunami (and pardon the metaphor) of information during our walking hours.  We all  know what Charlie Sheen is doing right NOW because if we’re not following him on Twitter, the media is and reports all his rantings.  He is the poster child of a modern anxiety disorder.  And we all have an opinion and I have just this to say:  Wait until he wakes up from his sleepless delusions and has to chew off both his arms when he realizes his “goddesses” are merely garden variety mall skanks.  I can hardly wait. 

But how do you deal with all the anxiety?  I asked around and somebody told me B vitamins.  Oh how I laughed.  In earnest, I think the best way has been to practise yoga.  I go on Bikram yoga binges but on the most part I do Hatha yoga at the gym.  Yoga teaches you how to detach which as a concept seems maybe counterintuitive when it comes to honing your self-awareness.  But the fine art of detachment is the best way to deal with those pesky thoughts in the middle of the night that keep you ruminating and obsessing about things that don’t really matter.  Buddha says that attachment is the root of all suffering so yeah, try to free your thoughts and sleep will come.  Eventually.  And stop following Charlie Sheen on Twitter (note to self).

My Filthy iPhone Habit

Rosedale School of the Arts, the scene of the crime

Last week, when Egypt went into upheaval and government blocked the internet including Facebook and Twitter, Charlie Sheen got sent to rehab.  At the same time, somewhere in the middle of these two events (closer to Charlie Sheen), my son Freddy had his iPhone stolen from his pants pocket while he was in gym class.  I know what you’re thinking, what’s a grade niner doing with an iPhone?   When I was in high school, we used to communicate with Morse Code and looseleaf.  While I was in English class, I used to tap on the wall to my buddy Paul, who was on the other side of the partition snoring his way through Physics, we’d pass notes, play hangman and gossip and draw pictures of our teachers in their underwear…now that I think about, I must have been in love with him, and if I could remember his last name, I’ll look him up on Facebook.  Which brings me to my point, we are a society addicted to social media, our cellphones are our lifeline.  Stealing a little dude’s cellphone is the equivalent of stealing another man’s horse in the wild west.  Freddy’s iPhone was my old 3G when I upgraded to the 4 last summer.  Oh how we love(d) our phones, Freddy would play Angry Birds and I would just be stroking and scrolling through all my apps.  Righteous Teenage Daughter would bust us:  “Look at the two of you!  You’re not even watching that!”  She would be pointing to the t.v. and we would look up at her in defiance.  She had a point for sure.  There is something uncontrollably addictive about the iPhone and I know I’m in trouble because not only do I Facebook, I tweet also.  And I have the app called Foursquare, the one where you check into every place you go in order to unlock badges and obtain mayorships.  I’m not joking, adults are doing this.  The worst part is that there is an app called HootSuite that tweets, updates your Facebook status, and reports  your Foursquare location all at the same time!!  It is like a social media speedball and although I have it, I have yet to do it, I`m scared I will unleash a monster that tweets and poops at the same time.  I might not be the Charlie Sheen of iPhone addicts yet  but I confess I have an app that pops pimples and paints cats.  It`s a federation of craziness.  And I have been trying to curb my iPhone fondling while at home with Freddy, who now has a Nokia something or other, out of respect and sympathy.  The other day on Twitter, my beloved Dr. Drew (Celebrity Rehab) tweeted out something about people who think they beat their addictions, `your disease is always in the next room doing push ups.`  Mine is in its charger, I`m calling it rehab and I`m putting it on silent but keeping it on vibrate, a LOCA`s got to be in touch somehow.