Mastering the Art of Surviving in Mercury in Retrograde

Mercury in Retrograde is definitely a thing. All this universal anxiety, we all feel it.  I don’t know what it is but I have the faith that when all things go awry, it’s probably in threes because! That’s what everyone in the astrology world says that about “bad things.” It must be true because it’s on the Internet. This is our Godly place now. Facebook is our Church. Memes are our preachings. Your friends on social media post black and white photos of Marilyn Monroe or Einstein with mumbo jumbo: “Show up late, keep them guessing, don’t do the same things over again,expecting things to happen or you’re the definition of insanity.”

I am a prompt, nut job, call me, seeking the same.

I have had two bad things happen the last year, waiting for the third, hoping it happens later rather than sooner, otherwise I will melt.

Good things happen everyday but we don’t really notice them. The sun comes up every morning much to our despair when we we hoping for a snow day, a certain impeachment, or best case scenario, a zombie-nerd-ass apocalypse where we can all just give it all up and forage the way we are meant to be truly human superstars. Our days are usually quite routine and boring that we can’t fucking wait for a diversion. And yet! The underwire from your best bra sprung free and has stabbed your armpit while you are driving on a narrow one way street in back of a recycling truck taking its sweet time and you have to pee and you squeezing yourself shut and hating life but yet fail to realize you are alive and life is actually good. The despair is actual gratitude! And it’s just pee. Slip some out. Your underpants are thick, they are the thick cotton man-brief kind from Aerie. Your outerpants can also take the moist heat, they are water wicking Adidas joggers.  Dude who is hauling the garbage into the truck is actually handsome and he has shoulders and is capable to throw 90 pounds of shite out of your way, driveway by driveway. Mercury might be in “Retrograde” (whatevs that is, Jesus Christ is laughing on his cross) but Venus is in Hunger Games, and I think you know what that means.

And why are you not in love with him? You could be. He is there.

I am looking at you, sweet sir.

Look back…..jerk.

These fucking diligent pricks never do. They just do their jobs. I’ve been invisible all this time. Yet! My winged eye-liner is so on point.

Tomorrow is another day however, and Saturn might be in Uranus, in which case, we’ll need lube. Ba-da-ba-tzzz. And that’s all I have to say about Mercury.








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