Tag Archives: Nikki Fierce

It Came From My Womb, Not Detroit

Next week my daughter turns 18 which is only a half-assed milestone in this neck of the woods.  Sure, she can vote and become a pole dancer but she can’t legally go to bars and order a Corona like a proper young lady.  She has a whole other year left of pretending to be from Detroit, according to her assumed identity on her faux I.D.  All the cool bands come from Detroit, among them:  The White Stripes, The Von Bondies, and Mr. 18 himself, Alice Cooper.

“Nobody actually lives in Detroit!  They come from Dearborn or Grosse Point.  No doorman is going to believe you’re Little Miss 8-Mile,”  I warned her. Of course this has made her more paranoid but as a mother I am trying to teach her that when you lie, you need to back it up with a story.  So we concocted an elaborate history where she was born in Toronto, but is going to school in East Lansing and the reason she has a Detroit proper address is because she is interning for a record company and she and her roommates are here in Toronto to check out some bands.  Doormen love stories about young girls and roommates.  It works every time and she’s going to have to milk it out for another year.

What’s funny is that when she was first born, I drew a picture of her of what I thought she’s look like as a teenager and put it in her baby book.  It’s pretty accurate except her hair is longer.  I had guessed she would be in an all-girl band with another baby girl on our street who had a made for rock and roll name of Courtney Manson.  But sadly, she moved away so my Nostradamus prediction didn’t come true entirely.

But last year, I took my daughter to see The Runaways, the movie about Joan Jett, she and her two friends decided to form a band.  They called themselves Nikki Fierce and a year and a half later, they are now booking gigs all around town.  Check them on on their MySpace page, and Like their Facebook page so you can keep up to date on their shows.  And they also have Twitter so make sure you follow them.  Funny, they sort of have a Detroit sound but with an accent of Toronto.

Stay Fierce!

My little sea monkey

It’s one week into the New Year and do you know what your colon looks like right now?  I wasn’t so sure until I met this lady in the locker room at the gym who told me that I may have “little living organisms inside.”  According to her, these little beings make you crave sugar.  She explained her theory to me as she undressed and at one point she grabbed her massive gelatinous belly (she won’t read this) and twisted it around and said in despair: ” And they won’t die!  I’ve stopped feeding them wheat and dairy and they still keep growing!”  I didn’t know whether to laugh or be horrified and worry about my own innards.  I pictured the organisms to be like those Sea Monkeys in the back of the comics.  Only my Sea Monkeys weren’t like the ones sitting around playing cards, mine were drunk and angry, they probably looked something like this:

I’m not so sure I want to kill them as they are so cute but maybe I can work them, not feed them so much booze, clear out the white carbs, give them some green tea and antioxidants.  Austerity is not so hard when you are focused on a goal.  As a diversion from all this colon housekeeping, I made an appointment to get my teeth bleached at Glow Tanning Bar & Body Lounge at 9 Isabella.  They use a system called wavelight, check it out here, which is cheaper than the dentist and only took 40 minutes.  Basically you lay under a blue lamp with a mouthguard full of bleaching gel.  Here I am in full meditation mode:

The results vary depending on your enamel, mine came out Benajamin Moore “Cloud White” which is good enough.  Best of all I got this session though dealfind.com for 40 bucks.  In case you are not in the know, dealfind.com sends you a deal of the day and it goes up for grabs for a certain time period.  Check out Living Social, and wagjag for similar deals.  Stay tuned next week for discount Botox!  In the meantime, keep up with your resolutions, stay fierce!!!  And speaking of “fierce”, please check out my righteous teenage daughter’s band Nikki Fierce on myspace…their new song is called “City Water”, click here for the link

Righteous Teenage Daughter Rules

Nikki Fierce:  Left to Right:  Evangeline, Emily, and Claire

The other day, Righteous Teenage Daughter, aka. RTD, aka.Evangeline made the announcement that she is only eating “organic meat” and if Freddy and I were going to eat something else, not to worry, she will fend for herself.  Meaning she is not going to go out with a slingshot and hunt down a squirrel, she will open up a box of mac and cheese and dine el solo while we eat from the conveyor belt animals.  To prove her point, she made us watch an excerpt from the documentary film, Baraka, the chicken sequence which is not grotesque in gore but a little disturbing in concept, and I urge to click on the except and watch it.  It does inspire you to want to eat a happy farm chicken but it also makes you question conformity in general.  Which is what I think is so great about RTD (I know every parent says this about their child) but she doesn’t listen to Justin Bieber and she introduces me to really new cool bands so I don’t end up stuck listening to my old morose 80s British bands mixed with 90s Lollapalooza relics.  So RTD amd a couple of her like minded friends formed a band and called themselves Nikki Fierce and here is their first original song called “Muted.”  Very trippy sounding!

So anyway, I can’t let my future rockstar meal ticket eat boxed mac and cheese so I have earnestly joined her crusade for “organic” meat.  Which means happy meat.  How do you know they are happy?  Because they cost twice as much per kilo.  I trekked over to the west side and bought a chicken at The Healthy Butcher.  I have to say, I loved the place, and as much as I enjoy a shopping cart stroll through a Loblaws, I am probably more a small shop shopper.  I also have a bit of a butcher fetish, as a child I used to run over to the section of Dominion where they had what I considered to be an art installation of a cow and its sectioned off parts in different colours:

And the Dominion butcher wore a white apron and carried a big knife.  Even as a four-year old, I thought he was God, he knew what he was doing.  They still wear the same thing and carry the same tool and yet there are deluded urban men running around town in Prada zoot suits thinking they are the meat packers but you know they’ve got nothing on the Butcher Man.  Anyway, I ended up buying a $17 “organic” chicken.  And this chicken had a different look from the regular grocery store, air child bird.  He wasn’t tightly sealed in plastic on a styrofoam tray, he came all splayed out, as though he had just finished playing a game of soccer and was laying on the couch watching tv.  He was a muscular beast, with thighs like Ronaldo, he probably pranced in the meadow like some cocky show pony. Obviously he got all the chicks.  And he tasted happy, for sure.  Here is my recipe for Chicken Ronaldo:

Take the chicken:  Stick a pierced lemon in the cavity. cut 4 Yukon gold potatoes and place in Creuset style pan with drizzle of olive oil and place the bird on top (potatoes will go mushy and crispy on the edges), sprinkle up some kosher salt, pepper, and garlic slices, drizzle with more olive oil, BAKE at 350 in covered pan for 90 minutes, then take cover off for another 30 minutes so bird get golden, stir potatoes around so they get some action.  And when done, let chicken recuperate for  10 minutes or so on a separate plate and then stir potatoes around the roasting pan…they should be kind of mushy at this point, as Ronaldo has been crushing them and soaking them with his juices in the oven.  Then serve it up.  I’ve had guests eat his then actually want to help me to the dishes to they can feed off the pan remnants and pick the the bones.  Free range, that’s what I say.