Tag Archives: Lady Gaga

Boston Bruins 4-Evah!

When I was in Grade Two at Mountainview Primary School in Otterburn Park, Quebec, I began my lifelong mission as one of those annoying contrarians that you run into every so often when making small talk.  It’s sunny out and you say, “Oh what a beautiful day” and I say, “I hate the sun, I can see all the dirt in my house. I only like it when it rains.”  Lady Gaga comes on the radio and you say, “Oh I love Lady Gaga, she is so innovative, everything she does is magical genius,” and I will respond, “She is a twat.”  When really, obviously I love the sun when I sprawl out on Hanlan’s Point with nothing but a bucket and a blanket and of course I appreciate Lady Gaga’s theatrics, particularly the one where she claims to be 24 when obviously she is 45.  Good times!

So when every little kid in that tiny Quebec town was cheering for The Habs, I did not.  From my brother’s hockey card collection, I discovered a Boston Bruins player named Phil Esposito and I was in love at first sight.  Don’t ask me why, in retropect, I don’t get it either.  Back then I thought he was the hottest thing since Dick Van Dyke (again, not sure what was going on in that tiny mind).  I remember the classroom was set up with four desks pushed together, bistro-style and I was the only girl in mine.  I made an announcement to the quadrant that I was a Bruins fan and they are the best team and Phil Esposito is best hockey player in the world.  The three boys scoffed and told me I was a “dumb girl.”  One of the boys lunged over the desks and grabbed my arm and gave me an “Indian sunburn,” that’s what we called it, don’t get on my case.  He kept squeezing my wrist one way and the fat bit below the elbow the other way so hard that snot bubbles popped out of his nose.  But I let him do it and sat there stoically, I didn’t wince or cry.  That is where I learned to stand by my principals and not to let some stupid little dude tell me who or what to like.

It is also where I learned that hockey is a passionate sport, and picking your team isn’t always the most rational choice.  So this particular Stanley Cup was more exciting for me than any other because normally don’t care so much.  I watched all 7 games and tweeted on my Twitter because that is what you do these days when the tv is on.  Last night during Game 7, I twattered out something quite rude about the Canucks that I thought for sure I would lose some followers.  One tweeter was pissed and chirped my head off but by then I had fallen asleep and when I woke up to the news, I was elated:  Bruins won 4-0!  The city of Vancouver was in a riotous uproar!  Rage was in the air!  Suddenly my tweet didn’t seem so harsh!  And I am validated!  I don’t even remember who that boy was in Grade Two but all I have to say to you is :  HA!  I might be “just a girl” but my team won the Stanley Cup! 

 Karma is a slow moving bitch.

Guess What, Chicken Butt? I Got A New YouTube Sensation

I don’t really enjoy children that much.  Yes, I have two of them and I can say from experience that the old adage is true.  Children are basically like farts, you can stand your own but others cannot be tolerated.  And who am I kidding?  Even when my own kids when were little, I wanted to hide from them and light a match.  In my previous post, I described my daughter as ‘Satan’s spawn.”  My son was no cake walk either , he had some piss and vinegar running through his veins.  His tantrums were legendary, ask any crossing guard in the East End.  You could never get him from Point A to Point B, but when finally got him to Point B, he never wanted to leave.  He’s going to make a difficult husband for some poor woman, I just know it.  Anyway, now both are teenagers and you’d think they be even worse but they are totally cool.  They are actually people that I want to hang out with (but not necessarily together because they squabble like an old married couple). 

Yesterday, Oprah featured a show on young “talent.” and I am using that word loosely in particular with Willow Smith, who was her cohost.  She has a new song out and you can see her perform it here (but why would you want to?).  Her best trick is swinging her head around like she is giving herself shaken baby syndrome.  Do it.  And it seems like there’s a new child YouTube sensation every week that we avid television viewers must contend with.  They are like pimples on the face of media.  The Bieber aside (because he is awesome),  most of these “sensations” need to just do their homework and wash their hair (I’m looking at you, Simon Cowell’s latest cash cow).   And Lady Gaga needs to get out more is all I will say about her little mini-me. 

And speaking of kids on YouTube and parent pimps, here is my son, Freddy’s latest short film entry for The Sprockets Children’s Film Festival this Spring….he won first place last year in his age group (mama pride!  It was just like he won an Oscar).  He is the future Quentin Tarantino (they have the same birthday).  Enjoy: